i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
