Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
She just used a chaser for red wine.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You ruined the universe
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
