im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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