apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
