Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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