This girl is more easily done than said...
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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