Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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