and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
