Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize