so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
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Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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