that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
