i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
