FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
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