Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
