I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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