I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
