I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
