Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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