I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
