dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
