Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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