the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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