is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
