So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
