If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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