i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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