so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
