it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
