So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Randomize
