How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
