P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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