Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
