I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
