Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
