Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
