Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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