Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
