I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
