Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
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