My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
