Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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