the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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