after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
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Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
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After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
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