sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
