i think my tv is drunk
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
