There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
