got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
