She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
