I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
