I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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