Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
