i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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