The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
50% drunk capacity currently
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Help me help you realize you are a moron
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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