I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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