remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
