why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
