Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
