Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
you will always have a special place in my vag
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
