just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
