Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
