Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
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I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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