hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
