The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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