If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
