just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
