Don't you send me to vm
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
