You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
