Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
